We need to talk about Scott
by bitter-alisa
Summary: Raven is missing in action and Punk finds himself on the mission of bringing him back. M for swearing and slash.


Chapter 1: The Mission

In hindsight, trying to match Dreamer beer for Pepsi was a huge mistake, especially with so much at stake. The man must have some superhuman stomach, liver and bladder and hell knows what else, because Punk is beaten way faster than he would like to ever admit to anyone.

He is not entirely sure why Dreamer deemed him worthy of this bet in the first place. Of all people, Punk seems to be the _last _candidate to pick to go and try to talk Raven into coming back to the land of the living; surely, old man has friends, well, maybe not friends – it's _Raven _they're talking about here – but at least people he dislikes less than him.

Dreamer doesn't really offer much of an explanation when asked, he mumbles something along the lines of Raven not being exactly cooperative, and Punk concludes that the old fucker has simply refused to talk to him or Stevie, who is currently sitting right next to Tommy with an equally awfully concerned look on his face.

"Why don't you go and talk to him yourself?" Punk refuses to give up this easily, so he asks for what seems to be a hundredth time, and it's probably close to the truth, they've been sitting here for quite a while. Punk had lost any trace of time or the amount of Pepsis he drank while competing in this stupid-ass bet he was so sure to win.

"Because," Dreamer sighs, as if it should be obvious even to Punk, "he wouldn't talk to anyone. Sure, he picks up the phone, he even manages to have a full-blown long-ass conversation with us, without actually saying anything. And when I ask where the fuck has he disappeared, he swiftly replies that he's busy and just fucking hangs up on me. You know what he's like."

"Yeah," Punk sights too, trying to wipe exhaustion from his face. He does know how good Raven is at talking without saying anything of importance; he remembers it only too well. "You could just go and bang at his door. Like you so kindly suggest I should."

"He would tell us to go fuck ourselves and shut the doors in our faces," Stevie explains patiently. Something in his looks suggests that they have done this before with this exact outcome. _Poor Stevie, _Punk thinks halfheartedly, they probably really are concerned about Raven's well-being if they are willing to go such ridiculous lengths only to get someone to talk to him. But he pities himself much more though, he has absolutely no desire to try to pry something out of the man he expected to never see again. He honestly thought – and was grateful for that – that his and Raven's paths would never cross again after TNA; he's had one hell of a week and when it finally came to an end, a meeting with the Boss, who coincidentally have been his crush back when he was at the tender age of twenty three, would be the last thing he needed. If anything, Punk is sure that even a brief interaction with Raven in his current state would be the last interaction he would ever have in this life.

"And what exactly makes you think he won't tell me the exact same thing?"

Dreamer looks thoughtful. Stevie looks drunk and sad.

Once again Punk wonders just how on earth does he manage to get into situations like that.

"Well…" Tommy starts, clearly not sure how to continue the sentence. He looks so uncomfortable it would actually be amusing given any other circumstances, but now Punk is just mildly curious and more than mildly annoyed. "You too seemed to have some sort of… _different_ relationship back in the day," he finishes lamely.

Stevie throws a warning glance at him, and even though that spices Punk's curiosity, it is clear that he will not be getting any coherent answers from those two any time soon.

"Look, maybe he wants to be left alone. Or he's dead. You shouldn't disturb the dead, Dreamer."

"He's been wanting to be left alone for almost a year now. And as a true friend, I will do anything in my power to disturb him as much as I can."

_Then go and disturb him by yourself, _Punk wants to say, but this would just start the whole fucking discussion all over again and Dreamer and Stevie would be thoroughly convinced in his, Punk's, mental deficiency, and he certainly doesn't want that.

"Okay. I'll do it," He says instead, already regretting his decision, "I'll talk to him - I can't promise you anything would come out of it. And in turn you make a you vs. me match happen." He directs that particular remark at Dreamer, who unsurprisingly doesn't look particularly pleased with the idea.

"You lost a bet, kid, fair and square. I don't have to do _shit._"

"I had to pee!"

"You should've peed _before _you thought you can outdrink me."

"I can just say go fuck yourself and go crash at my hotel. I'm not exactly a man of honor." Punk says, getting up.

"I'm gonna fucking kill Raven when he comes back," Dreamer says under his breath and Punk decides to interpret this as an agreement.

"That somehow gives me some much needed extra motivation," he grins and heads towards the door.

He has plenty of time to think about this ridiculous situation he has gotten himself into on his way to Raven's house.

Firstly, a brief thought of calling Raven crosses his mind; he could warn the old man about his imminent showing up at his doorstep or somehow conspire with him against Dreamer and Stevie. He entertains the idea all the way to his car and has to ultimately dismiss it by the time he starts up the engine; he knows the boss way too well to think he would actually agree to pass up on the possibility to humiliate Punk. Warning Raven about the visit seems too kind from his side, not something he would normally do, he will have to show up regardless of old man's response and giving the enemy a fair warning just isn't practical.

Surely, he has a head start in this situation, but he has absolutely no clue how to use that to his own advantage.

For the first half of the trip he tries to come up with a perfect conversation plan and by the end of his musings Punk is forced to admit that getting Raven back on track isn't his main goal; surviving this encounter is the best he can hope for.

The second half of the trip is spent on self-pitying and cursing the very idea of ever agreeing to meet up with Dreamer instead of crashing at his own hotel immediately after the show.

Punk spends a good hour circling around the neighborhood thinking all the wrong things, things he most definitely should not be thinking of just before meeting his old opponent and crush, things like the first time they have actually met face to face and how excited he was to talk to the man himself, and how amusing Raven found it; or the first match that they had against each other and how he realized then that he is undeniably attracted to Raven; or the time he was stupid enough to subtly hint (as subtly as a lovesick fanboying twenty-three-year old could) where he would like their off-ring interactions to go.

Yeah, that one is especially inappropriate given the situation.

Raven didn't exactly laugh in his face at the proposition, but was pretty damn close.

He was courteous enough to refuse him and let him preserve his Straight Edge lifestyle, as he explained, because the prospect of a relationship with Punk seemed both hilarious and terrifying at the same time.

They never spoke of it again and Punk likes to think that he got over it over the years, but when he finally pulls over a few houses away from Raven's place, he isn't nearly as prepared for the conversation as he would like to be, and spends the rest of the way contemplating possible escape plans in case the conversation with Raven slips into some embarrassing topics.

He doesn't hesitate on the doorstep, he rings the bell right away, like ripping off a band-aid he figures, the sooner he does that the sooner he can be free, so those few minutes it takes for Raven to open the door seem like a pure torture to Punk, he secretly hopes Raven isn't home so he could be relieved from his obligations.

_Keep dreaming, Punkers, Dreamer would most likely make you show up at Raven's door every day until he answers._

When the damned door finally swings open, Punk is already halfway down the stairs, and when he turns around to the sound, he is greeted with a very annoyed scowl on Raven's face. The porch light is bright enough to reveal both of them, and it strikes Punk as weird that Raven doesn't look particularly surprised to see him here. It is more of a "oh no not again" face than anything else, and Punk suddenly wonders who else was sent here by the concerned papa Dreamer and mama Stevie.

"Great. Because _this _is what I needed the most now," Raven mutters, but Punk still hears him. "They are finally running out of people, aren't they?" He speaks up this time, a question obviously meant for Punk to hear.

"Nice to see you too, Raven."

Raven just snorts.

"Yeah, good evening, long time no see, whatever, fuck it," his scowl goes deeper. "Okay, I'll bite: what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know. Was in the neighborhood. Decided to catch up." Punk plays along and makes his way back closer to the door.

"Right. Funny, Joe was in the neighborhood couple weeks ago too. Told him to get his fat ass off my lawn," Raven barks out a laugh, "Then Paul E showed up. On Monday, of all days. Fucking idiot. Said he was in town anyway. I threw a can at him and told to go fuck himself." Raven obviously still loves the sound of his voice, this short rant of his was absolutely uncalled for, but maybe he didn't have a chance to interact with people in a long time, so Punk lets that slide. "What an interesting coincidence."

"What? It's a nice neighborhood."

"It sure is. Come in, since you're here already. Southern hospitality and all that shit." He steps back, only a little, and Punk pushes himself through the narrow gap.

"Straight ahead and to the right," Raven instructs him from behind, "And don't trip over the garbage bag or I'll make you clean that shit up."

Once in what can be called a living room, Punk takes a good look around him, registering the general chaotic mess, beer bottles and dirty plates, a thick layer of dust covering most surfaces, heavy curtains on the windows. It seems like all these months of his self-inflicted exile Raven was spending most of his time in this very room and yet never bothered himself with such trivial aspects of life like cleaning. The TV is covered with dust as well as everything else, and Punk wonders just what the fuck Raven is occupying himself with.

"Fun," he comments then, mostly to himself.

"Come again?" Raven asks, returning to the armchair he obviously spends most of his time in. He aims his stare somewhere behind Punk's back, this must be one very fascinating wall or he's not getting something, because he somehow expects Raven to be giving him that famous exasperated stare of his.

"This is all that _business _you can't tear yourself from even to talk to your friends. Or however you call those people."

"Yeah," Raven doesn't even bother to look up at him. "Doing nothing is harder than it might seem, kid. You'll learn it one day, mark my words."

"Then do something," Punk offers and decides that this should about wrap up his deal with Dreamer. "You must be bored out of your fucking mind by now."

"I'm not your fucking entertainment," Raven scowls at him, interpreting Punk's words some other way. "You are more than welcome to get the fuck out right about now."

"I have approximately as much desire to be here as you – to see me," Punk sits on the edge of the armchair across Raven, checking it for any garbage or food leftovers first. The item of furniture passes the test though, but Punk isn't inclined to trust it just yet. "I've lost a bet."

"Oh?" Raven raises his eyebrow and finally looks at him, showing some interest in the conversation, but obviously not enough to change his tone from that of a complete apathy.

"I tried to outdrink Dreamer."

"You're dumber than you look then, kid." He pauses and thinks for a while. "I thought you didn't drink."

"It was Pepsi, obviously."

"If you lost a drinking contest while sipping fucking soda, then you deserve your fate." Raven almost smiles at him, and this is when Punk thinks that Dreamer's concerns are probably more solid that he wanted to believe. This, however, doesn't change the absurdity of the situation and Raven's (and his own) unwillingness to partake in it, so he decides that this would be a perfect moment to make his exit.

"Well, it was nice seeing you. I'll better leave you to your, err, fun," he says somewhat awkwardly; he isn't sure how to interact with this new weird version of Raven. Surely, he has encountered his depressive days before but this is something entirely different.

"Oh hell no, kid." Raven leans back in his armchair and grins at him. It is a very disconcerting grin, and if Punk knows anything about Raven (and he _does_) it most likely means something decidedly unpleasant is coming right his way. "This is fun. I'm not letting you off the hook this easily now. I'm not above calling Dreamer and telling him you weren't thorough in your attempts to get me back in the ring."

_Son of a bitch._

"Does that mean you will actually come back?"

"I don't know," Raven muses, and he somehow manages to look as if he's mocking Punk, which he probably is. "Why don't you try and convince me?"

* * *

Oh the things I would do rather than working on my bachelor project! But this idea has been bugging me for a while now, so I'm trying to convince myself that once I let it all out I'll be able to concentrate on something actually useful. Yeah, right.

Anyway. Let me know what you thought, reviews are love and motivation :)


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